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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22735483">tribulations of delight</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lightw99d/pseuds/Lightw99d'>Lightw99d</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dead Poets Society (1989)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>80s, Boys In Love, Falling In Love, M/M, True Love, theyre so in love it hurts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 17:54:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,230</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22735483</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lightw99d/pseuds/Lightw99d</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>1959 at an elite all male prep school, Neil Perry is in trouble - Charlie knows, but can anyone else? </p><p>Partly an AU - the ending of the movie hasn't happened.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Todd Anderson &amp; Neil Perry, Todd Anderson/Neil Perry</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>tribulations of delight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“C’mon, Neil, don’t lie to me, I know-“</p><p>“Charlie, I’m not lying! There is-“</p><p>“Neil! It’s okay; I just want to help you.”</p><p>“Well, there’s nothing to help with.”</p><p>“Not even telling Todd that you’re in love with him?”</p><p>Neil stopped moving his pen over his maths homework, he swallowed, feeling panic surge through his body. He thought about shoving the pen in his stomach, or his eye, to get out of the conversation. The room was silent; Neil couldn’t even tell if Charlie was still in the room since his back was to him while he worked.</p><p>“Neil,” Charlie said, his voice was soft and Neil new that if he turned around and looked at Charlie he would start crying, yet he didn’t know why, “I’m not judging you or anything, I just want you to be happy.”</p><p>Neil didn’t know how to respond to that. What do you say when your best friend claims you’re in love with your roommate? He let his pencil fall out of his hand and onto his paper just so something was happening, Charlie staring at the back of his head was making him nervous.</p><p>“I understand if you don’t want to talk about this,” Charlie spoke up again, “but you owe it to yourself to be honest and true to who you really are, and listen, if you ever need an adult to talk to about this I’m sure you can talk to Mr Keating, he won’t care, he’ll probably think that it would be great for you to bring Todd out of his shell.”</p><p>Neil still kept silent. There was no way he would ever talk to anyone about what Charlie was saying, heck, he didn’t even want to talk about it. He ran his hands through his hair before pushing his chair out and standing. He quickly looked at Charlie, who was watching him, before walking over to the door, opening it, and leaving.</p><p>He jogged down the corridor and down the stairs; he couldn’t believe he was literally running away from an awkward conversation. He always was dramatic but never this bad. </p><p>He ran through one of the outdoor corridors – or Loggia as he had been taught in Latin class – and out into the open, he didn’t even check behind him to see if Charlie had followed him. Then he heard it. A sob. A sob he was all too familiar with. Todd. He had become used to Todd’s sad noises from all the nights he had comforted him.</p><p>Neil looked over to the bridge and saw him, his desiderium. Todd had his head resting between his knees while his hands played with the back of his neck, successive, soft cries escaping from him. Neil watched as his back rose and fell in time with his quick breaths.</p><p>Neil couldn’t breathe. Charlie knew. It seemed like his entire world was just set alight. There was no way for him to recover, what if people found out and made him leave the school? What would his father say? His father would literally want him dead. His mother would cry about never getting grandchildren. Charlie didn’t care, but what about his other friends? Knox, Meeks, Pitts – and to an extent – Cameron. What would they think? </p><p>Time just seemed to stand still as Todd sat there crying, and Neil stood watching him. Neil couldn’t even muster up the strength to cry at this point. Everything in him was screaming at him to go over and comfort Todd, to hold him and hug him, and tell him everything’s okay, and he won’t ever let anything bad happen to him. But, his mind held him back. That’s not how guys comforted each other.</p><p>He should just go over and tell Todd that he’s there for him and give him a quick pat on the back. But then again, what if that was too much? Charlie knew how he felt, what if someone else figured it out? </p><p>Before he could put his thoughts together he was snapped out of is trance, “Neil”. That voice. His heart leapt into his chest as he refocused on Todd. He was looking up at Neil, tears staining his reddened face and slight hiccups escaping from his lips.</p><p>Before Neil’s mind could comprehend it, his legs were instinctively moving him forward to get to Todd. Without a word he was across the bridge and sliding onto the floor next to Todd.</p><p>Neil attempted to steady his breathing; he didn’t want Todd to know what had just gone down between him and Charlie, “What’s wrong?” he choked out, followed by a nervous gulp and him closing his eye.</p><p>Todd let out a soft giggled laced with a sob, “It’s a stupid thing to be upset about, don’t worry”.</p><p>Neil opened his eyes and finally looked at Todd in their close quarters, “Todd, if you’re upset then it’s not stupid”.</p><p>Todd let a tear run down his cheek, “O-ok,” he stuttered out, “My parents. They used to send my brother care packages while he was at Welton. Little things here and there, I guess; interesting books to read, new pens, a sneaky candy”.</p><p>Neil knew where this was going; Todd hadn’t received anything at all.</p><p>“I’ve gotten nothing,” Todd shrugged, “Not even a single pen”.</p><p>Neil didn’t know what to say. He thought Todd deserved to be showered with gifts. He didn’t know how to interact with Todd now that people might see the real him. All he did was stare at him – his light, worried eyes that Neil would want to stare into all day if he was allowed to. He didn’t know how long he was staring at Todd, time seemed to pass so slow yet so fast at the same time.</p><p>“Neil?” Todd let out after a while. </p><p>“Yeah?” He breathed out,</p><p>“What’s happening?” Todd asked, his voice verging between curious and panicked.</p><p>All of a sudden the reality of the situation came crashing into him. He hadn’t just been staring at Todd; he had slowly been leaning in to Todd. The tip of Todd’s fringe lightly grazed Neil’s. Heat rushed to Neil’s face and panic set in, he was attempting to kiss his best friend, right there on the bridge where sparse students slowly walked by on their way to their rooms.</p><p>“I-I-“ Neil stuttered, Todd could feel his breath tickling his face.</p><p>“Okay.” Todd mumbled and nodded his head slightly, his hair bouncing against Neil’s.</p><p>“What?” Neil panicked out; he was frozen in the spot, still closely leaned in to his best friends face.</p><p>“It’s okay.” Todd whispered, low enough for Neil to hear. </p><p>Neil sat in confusion for a moment; Todd wasn’t making any sense to him. While he was contemplating Todd’s words, he felt the heat surrounding him get even hotter. Todd was closer now, his nose touching Neil’s, their breaths intermingled. Neil took a deep breath and raised his eyebrows in shock, Todd had leaned in. Cautiously, Neil closed the gap, his lips lightly brushing Todd’s at first, a desperate sigh left Neil’s lips, finally. Their lips grazed, Todd turned his head slightly and moved a touch further into the kiss. Neil felt as if he was going to die, he was kissing his best friend, the absolute love of his life. This was the greatest moment of his life. </p><p>Crash-</p><p>“What the fuck?”</p>
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